that you've been in for a lifetime, & deschooling from it. Has anyone had experience with this?

I was in a clut for many, many years. Dh was in it already whenI met him and I loved everything about their lifestyle. We were very happy and committed to it for 8 years and therefore our son was also exposed to their ways. After some time dh and I found we weren't as devoted to the cult ways as we once were and we drifted away, started doing our own thing. Perhaps because I was an adult when I got involved and also because I was always exposed to people not in the cult, I had no trouble adjusting to being independent. I still believe in and do many of the things the cult members still do but not with the same spirit of devotion - just for myself.

that's a big one . you could always join a new cult... mine's good; it's all about loving cake

sounds hard. No experience here. But I have had friends bought up in fairly strict religious comunities and leaving that behind is sort of like leaving a cult I guess. It was pretty hard for some to adjust.

Sorry not much help.

I only know one person who was raised in a cult and left. It hasn't been smooth sailing. He had to also break from his family and feels betrayed by them for not having a "normal childhood". He left as a young adult and suffers from depression and can get very angry/agressive. It seems that leaving meant going through a grieving process and he is stuck at anger. What I also notice is that he hasn't replaced what the cult provided him e.g. he has no friends (trust issues?) aside from his partner and has not accepted her family as his own. He is just about to have his first baby with his long term ever patient partner who had done her best to support him despite wearing the brunt of most of his anger and this is bringing up all kinds of issues for him. He sees all cults and religions as evil and has a very negative attitude to life - very doom and gloom and what's the point kind of stuff. He is still after many years unable to move on with his life. Difficult stuff. He hasn't had counselling but I reckon that would possibly be a good thing for him.

I reckon that is a very astute observation there Sam. Cults are known for targeting people's vulnerabilities and using them for their own purposes, creating an illusion of meeting needs within the individuals they are targeting. When the illusion is gone, it can impact people hard without support in place.

I think the things you might want to consider in your deschooling MamaMoondance are;

1. What vulnerabilities you have that were exploited and how those vulnerabilities were created in the first place eg. family, socialisation, friends, relationship, life experiences, trauma, fears etc. Considering those issues can help you see how you were manipulated or "taken in" by the cult. Knowledge may be power but true understanding of yourself is what saves your butt every time!

2. What needs you perceived were met by the cult, and whether those needs were an illusion. A good way to determine this is to observe whether those needs are still being met now that you are no longer in the cult. Eg. meaningful friendships with cult members - do they exist once you leave the cult? This can help you work out what your needs are and work towards getting them met properly.

3. IRL social networks outside cult circles are also another important part of healing from cult damage. Local neighbourhood centres can be a good place to start - they can refer you to activities and groups within your local area for meeting new people away from the cult. As family is usually a part of IRL social network - if they are related to vulnerabilities or to the cult itself, it is a good idea to work out new boundaries and ways of relating to them so you can protect yourself. That is of course, if you haven't decided to end contact.

4. Professional support. The psychological trauma experienced by leaving abusive power imbalanced groups or relationships can impact you on a long term basis and in ways which you aren't always entirely aware of. Sometimes you become aware of the impact more after leaving since you are free from the 'mentality' that surrounds you and can question the 'mentality' within yourself safely without being attacked by those around you. This is where having a good therapist, counsellor or psychologist can go a long way. Not every professional worker is suitable, trust your instincts and keep trying until you find someone who is empathetic and works with you.

I hope this helps you frame your journey away from the cult you were in. It is a really huge thing to have accomplished, don't underestimate yourself. You got out, and you can get free of the psychological impact and influences too!

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies.
Quickening, that's really helpful info..thanks!

xo